Own Tune. Own Moves.

Never envy someone else's relationship. Each relationship is different. The principles and foundations are different from the next one. Some relationships are built off sex. Others are leaning on emotional, mental and spiritual aspects. Everyone is different.
I say don't envy another relationship because while you're praying and hoping to be like the couple who hump like rabbits, they could be praying and wishing that they could be like yours. Not every relationship is perfect. It's not heard of. People say they want a commitment like Jay Z and Beyonce.... No. You want a commitment like your own. I hear on countless times how people wish they're relationship was like mine. Why? Follow your own heart, wants, and needs. Don't mimic ours. We're different people.
Don't feel pressured into establishing a level in your relationship by people outside of your relationship. Like sex for example. This brings me back to when I said, every relationship is different. They all are on different levels. Going at different speeds. Maybe one relationship isn't ready to take it there just yet. And it shouldn't matter how long they've been in a relationship. It's up to the people in the relationship. Two people. Besides, does sex make a relationship official or something? If so, that's retarded and so is any and everyone who back up that theory.
Though this aspect of each relationship should be the same: Respect. Your want and needs. I believe that every female is a Queen and should look for a King to treat her in that manner. And every man is a King and needs a Queen to treat him as such. No one should be treated like a village peasant. Unless you're a whore. Or a homewrecker. Other than that, you're the prize. And worth more than rubies(Chelsea =]). But vocalizing what it is that you want, is how you'll get respect and your desires granted. The way you carry yourself determines how respect will be reciprocated. This definitely shouldn't be envied because everyone should be treated this way by their significant other. And if they're not, someone in that mess of a relationship is crazy and I wouldn't want to try to duplicate anything they have.
Move to your own drum. Have your own requirements. Follow your own heart, mind, and soul.

Red Light. Red Light. Green Light!

Why can't people be straight up with their feelings? Constantly giving off different emotions; confusing themselves and the person of interest. Feelings are so easy to expression. While you're expressing how much you hate him or her, you can be putting that energy into expressing how you feel towards developing a relationship. So with that being said, I broke it down to 3 signals: Green light, red light, yellow light.
Green light: This is the signal that is given when one is ready to love and be loved in return. No playing around. No "Maybe I like/love you". With this signal you have given the go that you are going to show all affection and let down all walls. You're ready to be upfront.
Yellow light: You're doing the most but still not doing anything. Flirting and leading one on with the sign of taking things serious are near, but on the other hand, so is not taking things serious. This is the confusing stage. And is often where one party is too attached for the bullcrap. The "pending" party is taking too long to fulfill anything. It's very simple: Do you want to be with that person or not? Red light: You're just not doing anything. I don't even know why people even sit there entertaining the ground move. There's absolutely no signal. So you're wasting your time. So which light are you at? leading

Emotional vs. Physical

There are a lot of relationships where one or both parties are cheating. What people fail to realize is that physically cheating is not the only form of cheating, but emotionally as well. Both are horrible but in my eyes I believe that emotional cheating is worse.
Physically cheating is when one goes outside the relationship and has sex or any other physical act that is displeasing to the other partner. I don't understand why people cheat anyways. If you're unhappy then break it off.
Then there's emotionally cheating. Emotionally cheating is when you emotionally give yourself to someone outside of your relationship. Forming a deep relationship with one that isn't your boyfriend or girlfriend. I believe this is worse than physically cheating because normal relationships are built on emotional foundation. The feeling that love or deep like is apparent. Though there are those relationships that are built on sex. Those don't last because there isn't any connection emotionally and mentally.
I always questioned why people cheated instead of breaking things off. It leads to heartbreak and low self esteem. I say low self esteem because he or she may start to feel as though they can't measure up to anything all due to the fact that they were cheated on. Besides, cheating is a sin. You sinned because you couldn't control your hormones or you didn't have the balls to end one relationship to start another? Nice.

Can You Hear Me Now?

The biggest and most important quality in a relationship is Communication. When I say communicating, I don't mean via Twitter or Facebook. That doesn't count in my book. And I don't mean communicating days and weeks at a time. I mean communicating so that every problem and emotion is accounted for. Sending a text or making a 5 minute phone call. Something. Harboring emotions and problems because the other person does not communicate makes even bigger problems. Telling each other how you feel or when there is a problem should not be a problem within itself. When you are running from the act of communicating, or the problems, nothing ever gets solved. Things start to crumble. Become rocky. This is where my post "Reciprocated Love" comes into play. (If you haven't read it, do so.) It's not fair if one person gives their dying all in a relationship and then the other person is just chilling. In other terms, it's not fair that one person is steady communicating. Approaching the problems and feelings at hand, only to be met with the other person ignoring them and not having any type of interest in communicating back.

If one is constantly shown that they are ignored or not worth the time to be talked to, I'm pretty sure there is someone else out there who would not have a problem with doing what the other person is not doing. Not communicating can and will kill any relationship. No matter how much love there is. No talking. No loving.

Why You Can't Go

Previously I wrote a post entitled "Why Stay?", where I wrote about the signs in which one should leave a relationship. This post will be the opposite.
More than likely you've probably sat and asked yourself "Why do I stay?". You probably came to the conclusion that you love that person too much.  May sound cliche and whatnot, but in many situations, it's the truth. You've invested so much time and energy and you honestly cannot picture yourself with any other person. May sound cliche also. But that's ok. You truly believe that things can be worked out and will try any and everything in your power so things can change. There's a saying that goes along the lines of "The couples that face the most, are often the strongest" or something like that. Bare with me. But yea, if you bail out after every argument or disagreement then you really didn't want to be in relationship. That's what relationships consist and are made of. No one said loving was going to be as easy as 1, 2, 3 or your ABC's. Otherwise every body could endure pain and hardships love bring.

Why Stay?

Ever been in a relationship where you sat and pondered on whether you should stay or not? Constantly weighing out the Good and the Bad. Trying to understand why you're still with that person? If you're just wasting your time? There's so many factors that can make you ask yourself "Why am I here?"
For one, you're just NOT HAPPY. You get aggravated and pissed off when you see their name flashing across your phone. They aren't giving you what you need, even when you ask for it. They can't take the time out of their schedule to send a text or make a phone call. They just don't reach out to communicate period. They act as if they don't want to be bothered by you, thus ignoring your messages or calls. Though they are steady updating their status or tweeting their little hearts away. Continuance of arguing. Don't get me wrong, arguing is healthy in a relationship, but if you're arguing then avoiding coming up with a solution or the situation all together, then that leads to a whole bunch of unhappiness. Constantly having excuses. "Excuses are the tools of the weak and incompetent used to build monuments out of nothingness. Those who use them will never accomplish anything." Enough said. Emotions are being hidden. How exactly do you think a relationship will go anywhere if how your feeling is a mystery? TRUST. Trust shouldn't and cannot just lie within one person. Trust has to be mutual. If you trust them but you're afraid that they may judge you, shut down or whatever the case may be, then you don't trust them. You find yourself the only one in the relationship. Mentally and emotionally that is. You're the only one fighting and defending the partnership. Giving your absolute all for something that the other person clearly doesn't give a care in the world about. Lastly, you're just tired. Fed up of doing circular motions. Going back and forth. Tired.
Now the real questions are, Do you want to stick around and try to change these things? Or are you done trying? Is this person worth the constant struggle? Every relationship is different and sometimes the problems are as well... Sometimes.

Thrift Store Love

For some reason females believe that in order to make a man love them they have to have sex with them. Girl... Boo. You know better. Just because you open your legs doesn't mean he's going to fall in love with you. Your stuff isn't that powerful. Sit down.
Understandable he says and does all the right things. So what. I'm not trying to hear it until his words and actions line up with one another. He loves you? Ok. So how is he showing it? By taking you to Taco Bell and letting you chose 3 items from the Value Menu? You really need a hug. If you really give him a piece of you because he took you to Taco Bell then you automatically just lowered your self worth equivalent to a Thrift Store.
This is nonetheless complete Lust. No love anywhere to be found. Unless you count the "love" you've somehow came to the conclusion that is between your legs. Which is still Lust. lol I guess the phrase "You can't turn a hoe into a housewife" has some true meaning. No man wants a Thrift Store. They want a Beverly Hills boutique. Huge value difference.

What I Like About You

For the post, I asked multiple people what characteristics did they look for in a person in order to be attracted to them. I must admit, I received the most dumbest and shallowest responses I have EVER heard in my life. It made me come to the conclusion that people will either be in multiple short lasting relationships or single all of their life. Understandable, outer appearance really grabs your eyes first but looks does not cover their personality. Though some people don't mind them not having a personality. And these are the people who are remedial.

As for women, the majority of them stated that in order for one to catch her eye and remain interested, he must be: honest, family oriented, funny, sociable, communicable, concerned, SAVED (If not saved, then have some type of belief system), strong, confident, I N T E L L I G E N T, someone who makes her feel protected and spontaneous. Also one who is not afraid to admit he has feelings for you. He's not going around hiding how he feels. And as for men, I gathered that they want a woman who is: intelligent, family oriented, caring, outgoing, God fearing, level headed, humorous, a girly girl, submissive to an extent.

I'm not saying that you're about to find a guy or girl with all these qualities. God didn't make anyone that perfect. You're going to have to do without some of these things or work on them. Note, I didn't include attractive in the lists. I did that because it's evident that looks are accountable, but always remember that personality can make the most beautiful person ugly.

Protect Me, Protect Me Not

I believe one of the key aspects of a relationship should be protection. It's not something that you come out and say "Oh! While we're together you have to have my back and protect me." It's something you possess as a child, but only strengthens with each relationship you have. Or by what someone means to you. I believe if the woman of the relationship is carrying the protection of both her and the man, then she's better off without him because before the relationship she was defending herself and herself only. Man is suppose to be the provider. Not the other way around. A female is suppose to feel safe and confident when she's with the one she loves or likes. She's wants to have the security that if a random dude at the mall just calls her a B-word and jaws her, that her significant other is going to hop in and do something about it. Not just sit there and observe. As for a woman, she has to put anyone in their place if their man is being dogged, especially when it's not in his presence. He as a man should also have the stern and confident feeling that you are going to have his back. Protection is a two way thing and when one slacks and can't protect then that leaves one feeling betrayed and hurt. Like their significant other just left them outside in the wilderness to fight against lions, tigers, and bears.

I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar

I feel bad for females who don't recognize their self worth and need a guy to make them feel like they're something. I personally would love to slap the crap out of some of these people, but it won't help them realize it. It's WONDERFUL to find that one person who makes you complete. See how I put one? I believe the feeling of completion is a rare feeling. A feeling you only get when you find the One. Now if you felt this feeling for all your boyfriends then your Feeling-O-Meter is seriously broken and you're an idiot. Just because he tells you, you're cute or buys you a 25 cent pack of Now and Laters and some Cheetoes doesn't mean he's the one. -__- Get it together sweetie. When he realizes just how weak you are and notice how much you can't "live without him", he'll start doing the most. Cheating, lying, taking advantage of you, cheating, you'll probably think it's ok because "he's the one and every relationship has their share of ups and downs". No. Every relationship doesn't have a You.

Also females out there that are putting their BOYFRIENDS or girlfriends in front of their education. Shame on you! Shame Shame Shame Shame!... SHAME! You're significant other is not in charge of your future. Neither is he more important than your grades. You need Jesus, a hug and a reality check.

But... You're Nasty

Lately I've been noticing how a lot of people with... harlot tendencies, think that they can have their waffles and pancakes too. Do you really think that you'll be respected as man or woman to be take seriously under relationship circumstances if you're letting every and anyone have a piece of you? Don't get me wrong, people can sleep, lick, nib or whatever with whomever they want. I just find it stupid on your part if you're saying you want to be in a relationship but you're not showing such. Your mouth is saying "I WANT A MAN!" or "I WANT A GIRL!"... But you're actions are saying "I WANT MEN" or "I WANT GIRLS!". Man or woman means 1. Men and women means more than 1. It just doesn't make sense to me that you're crying for love but you're letting lust overcome you.

Reciprocated Love

Ever been in a relationship where you felt like you were giving more than the other person? Constantly showering him or her with endless affection and you're met with not even the bare minimum? I always hear people say they want 50/50 in a relationship. That means you're only giving half of you. And when the other person slacks you're taking over their share as well. To me, that's not enough. I want 100/100. All of you. Because I'm not around for all the nonsense. If it is a relationship you actually want to go somewhere, you will do every and anything in your power to make sure that happens.
Unfortunately some people like this game. It's kind of like you go to work all day, from 9 to 5. Come home dead tired only to find your significant other chilling on the couch watching television. The house is a mess and dinner isn't even attempted. So as the person who shows love all the time, or in this case work all the time, you clean the house and cook dinner. All the while being tired. They don't ask you if you need any help or anything. That right there is just trifling. You're doing your share and theirs. Some pathetic people like this. The whole catering to your woman or man ordeal. I dont have a problem with catering, but some stuff isn't catering worthy.

I'm not even saying tell each other you love one another 50 a minute. I'm saying the enthusiasm and love should come off of one another like your favorite perfume. When one is having a bad day and the other listens, the same should occur when the shoe is on the other foot. When one partakes in an event, the other should be there. Front row. And when its switched, the supporter shouldn't be let down because the other partner is self absorbed.
When it all boils down, in relationships there should be mutual feelings and support. No one should be giving more than the other. And if you are and you think that's fine... You need Jesus.

Distance and Time

        A lot of couples are afraid of long distance relationships for various reasons. Afraid that the other person may cheat. Not seeing each other everyday. And so on. Number 1. If you're afraid that they will cheat then I don't think your status should be "Taken" or "In a Relationship". Number 2. Not seeing each other everyday? Never heard of Oovoo? Skype? Shut up. Not saying that it's easy, but I'm not saying it's Chinese math either.

I always tell my boyfriend that distance and time are our only enemies. When it's said that distance makes the heart grow fonder, that's not a joke. You start to appreciate every millisecond, second, minute and hour with that person. The wait and anticipation in seeing each other builds every time you speak to one another. Or see a tweet from them. Or a picture pass by in the slideshow on your laptop's screensaver. 

        I've been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for a little bit over a year and I must say, I'm always jealous of people who can see him every single day. It's what I was used to in high school, but it's part of growing up individually and as a collective. I honestly believe we are still together because of communication and genuine love. All the other components such as seeing each other everyday is fairly irrelevant compared to communication. Telling each other about your day or simply saying "I love you" can go a long way. When I don't hear from my boyfriend like all day, I kind of feel incomplete. Things don't feel right.

        I remember having a discussion with some guy last year about how he feels that when a couple goes off to different schools, they won't last because they're so young. And that there will be cheating and whatnot. Well I had to quickly throw in my concrete facts. Age isn't a factor. Grown people can't even handle it so that's invalid. This goes back to me saying, communication and genuine love is what you need. Now if you go off to school and start cheating... Then you didn't want that relationship to last. And you're just remedial. 

        Now mind you, everyone can't handle a long distance relationship. It's not meant for every couple because every couple simply just isn't strong enough for it. I don't care if you're 15 or 55. 

I Didn't Ask You

Why is it that single people or people who've been in a relationship for a week think that they can give couples who have been together for some time, relationship advice? That's like Justin Beiber and Selena Gomez giving Barack and Michelle advice. Move. What makes you so confident that your advice matters? If you're single with so much to say about relationships, then exactly why are you single? And if you're in a new relationship... You just need to shut up and apply some of that advice to your own relationship.
   

Me + You = Relationship, Not Me + You + Her + Him = Relationship

A lot of relationships don't prosper because there's those people who are non factors and think they're entitled to  your relationship. I don't think those irrelevant people understand the fact that... The relationship consists of two people. Him and Her.. Or Her and Her or Him and Him. Whatever floats their boat. More power to them. It's sad because I see so many relationships with that odd character thinking they know what's going on in a relationship. Trying to live through what you and your significant other have because they're a piss poor individual who doesn't know how to mind theirs. I think it's worse when this person is in a relationship but pays so much attention to whats going on your way.

For example, my boyfriend and I just passed our 2 year mark. I personally think we know more than the people who've been in a relationship for like 1 hour, but they try to give us advice. -_____- That's like being single and giving a married couple advice. Pause.... Move. People say I drag him through all this "crap". Which shocks me because... I don't think I asked other people what they have to say. And it shocks him as well because it's like "What crap?" Oh. Ok. I'm also flabbergasted as well because no one knows what goes on between him and I unless you're one of my Best Friends. And majority of the time they don't even know what's going on. So these random people just run with your tweets. Your tumblr. Your Facebook, and think they have your relationship rolled out on the table. No... Once again Move. I honestly say my boyfriend and I go through REAL relationship problems. Not those retarded "He didn't add me on facebook' or "His status says single still". Those childish High School relationships that will not last past 3, maybe 4 months. Uh Uh.. We're real. We act like a couple that's been married for years. And a lot of people admire that. I admire them for admiring us. 

Do you see Jay-Z and Beyonce walking around with a 3rd boyfriend or girlfriend? The people who care way more about your relationship than themselves or their own are secretly competing with you. Trying to be better than you. For what though? You and your relationship is still retarded because you built it on the foundation of trying to be better than the next relationship. The person looking in is more than likely a sad individual who is very unhappy about life and don't want to see you happy. Try your hardest to eliminate them out of your business. They thrive off other peoples unhappiness.

*The couple in the picture is me and my boyfriend. The ONLY people in our relationship.*

You Did it To Yourself

Nowadays relationships don't last because people are in a new relationship every 3 months and they're telling each other they love each other so quickly. You cannot possibly be over Jimmy or Alice who you've dated for 2 months, and then love Joey or Ashley who you started dating a month after breaking up with Jimmy or Alice. That shows a various of things: A. You never really loved them. B. You don't know what love is, Stupid. C. You're a hopeless romantic. D. You just like saying you have a significant other, which is dumb as well.

And what makes things so much worse is that whenever one is engaged in these monthly relationships, they swear UP and DOWN they're getting married. -_____- Ring. Ring. Hello? Yes... Umm... How do you figure? NEXT! I don't understand this theory at all. You are basically setting yourself... Or selves up for over dramatic heartbreak which is no one's fault but your own. During the first one of two months of dating someone you should still be on the "Like" aka getting to know each other. Not be in love. What is in the water you're drinking? Ultimately when your "Heart is breaking" (which its not), it's actually you losing your mind... Because you're retarded.

What is Love?

A paper I wrote last semester about what I think the definition of Love is. Enjoy! =]

      Love to me is very hard to explain. It is comparable to trying to explain what water tastes like. It is that definite feeling that you know a person will do every and anything in their power to make you happy. Though the feeling is like a feeling of no other.  Love is a powerful and inexplicable feeling above all others. It is passion, it is desire, it is affection, it is pure and it is true. No one can put the feeling into words but once you feel it, you just know. The key thing to this ‘Love’ term is that a person can't love another so purely as once they have learned to fully love oneself.  

                   There are many stages of love at different ages and different types. You have that love for your parents for bringing you into this world and supporting you through thick and thin. Then it is the love you have for a best friend. You guys can go through everything from first major break up with a boy to a major fight, but still have the feeling that everything you guys do, you would not want to experience what you have experienced with one another, with someone else. Then there is the love of a significant other, which in my case is being in love.  It may sound cheesy, but to me and as an individual who can testify, I think love for my boyfriend is when we argue to not just argue about some random female or guy, but about a relevant situation that not only helps one, but both of you grow. Arguing is a form of love. Neither one of us wants to see each other do the bare minimum, so we tell each other like it is. If it was not love, nine out of ten, we would let each other look stupid and act stupid. It is kind of like that certain feeling you get in your heart and mind that only Time and Distance are your only enemies and nothing else matters. In all relationships where Love is present, you can tell all and never be judged by a comment, look, or action. It is that feeling that you know that you can stop walking on pins and needles, and relax and be yourself.         

                    To love a person is to give them a piece of you to have and forever hold. One you are content with never getting back. The definition of love evolves, it changes with time. It evolves as we age, and gain wisdom. What we knew to be love at age 18 may be entirely different than what you find it to be at 40. However it doesn't mean you never loved that person. Love is the only feeling you cannot control. It is not an emotion that can cause you to put your pride aside. It is not an emotion that lets you see past mistakes and flaws. It is a strong bond or attachment with another person.

                    Love is that acceptance and feeling that a lot of people search to receive and or give all their life. Whether if it is from trying to receive love from a parent or whatever the case may be. It is that reassurance that it is ok to hold on and never let go. But sometimes it is usually  mixed up with Being in Love. Something that is very relatable to one’s feelings toward a spouse. Love is a bond. A bond that is there no matter what; exemplifying the statement: If you loved someone, you just do not stop loving them. You will love them forever, just not as much. 

Like. Love. Lust.

In today's society, people often misconstrue if they like someone, love someone, or if it's really lust.

LIKE: This is the step and feeling people tend to forget to take into consideration these days. The beginning feeling that makes a foundation for all the other feelings soon to follow. Get to know the person. What makes them laugh. Their aspirations. For Christ sake, their favorite color. Something that'll make you want more! ATTENTION: PHYSICAL ATTRACTION WILL NOT CUT IT!! CUTE... NO PERSONALITY.

LOVE: The number one thing that gets people confused when it comes to that word Love, which is so easily tossed around is whether if they're IN love or if they just love that person. To be in love with someone is to be emotionally devoted to a person. Giving them your all: Emotionally and mentally. Notice I didn't say physically. Just because you have sex with someone.. doesn't mean either one of you are in love. That's lust but, I'll get back to that. Now on the other hand, to love someone simply means the opposite of being in love. I love my parents, for they brought me into this world. Made me into the young lady I am today. But note, I'm not in love with them. That's creepy. 

LUST: Lust, Lust, Lust. Always mixed up with love. Lust is a spur of the moment type thing. You just met her a week ago. You're in love. Already. -____- You and I both know that's not the case. You just want her skippies! And bet you dollar and a donut that he doesn't "love" you anymore. Sorry to say but it was never love to begin with. Just those hormones, which is always the ringleader when lust is involved. Building a relationship off of Lust... Is a Pornstar relationship. Ehhh... Oh well.